Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
