Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
