if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
