he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
