I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
