i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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