I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
