also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
