Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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