census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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