Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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