i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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