I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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