Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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