please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
