So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just took my morning after pill in the library
birth control should be required to get into college
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
