Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
