he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
