It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
