I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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