ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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