you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
