JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
