glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
