Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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