Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
