Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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