I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
