Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
