My brain says no but my pants say off.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
