if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I think i got beer on your cat.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
