Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
