I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
