Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
