No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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