did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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