If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
