Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
