Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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