I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
