my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
