my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
