I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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