Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Life is so much better after having sex.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
