do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
