wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
