Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
