Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
