Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
