So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
sarcasm needs its own font
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
