How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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